i'm dead beat. but its a good kinda dead beat. i feel like i accomplished something today. this is how i want to spend my 8 months damnit.

had pract this morning for my contemp pas de deux. very very reminiscent of latin -.- which basically meant me yelling, and not alot of ppl listening. but it was good. didn't accomplish particularly alot. but its getting along. haha. i like rj's syf dance this yr (: not like our bamboo shit. but yes, missed my juniors mucho mucho. goldfish, viola, si en, yijing and even cheryl. haha, that girl ah. i always did like her the most.

mahjong at char's hse was FUN :D though the 2 stupid boys didn't turn up last min. but it was nonsense-ing with char & sheila (: and i won quite a few times! meeheheehee. and managed to cut down my losses to 10cents only. WHEE! and dinner with my family was great, esp since 2 su su and uncle hock came. which meant big angpows, champagne and alot of my type of convo.

i want to be spontaneous. to do things that i've been thinking about. or maybe that's just getting more guts. hmms.

i want to run. run into ...

and i'm looking forward to in the land of women. adam brody. yum yum. did i mention i have this thing for curly hair. ahahaha. have u seen hugh dancy, from the telemovie elizabeth 1. he was the VERY YOUNG lover of the 60 yr old queen elizabeth. luscious locks and all. my knight in shining armour (: hehehe.

i miss my mel.

: worn me down :: rachael yamagata :

issues

my dad's pissed at me.

i cannot end up like him. i refuse to end up like him. i will not let myself turn into everything i've fought against. i have father issues. very very bad father issues. so sometimes i really envy some. its hard to explain i suppose.

how much is happiness worth exactly.

i feel like a huge load has been lifted off my shoulders now that i've told him i want to quit.

it scares me sometimes how unhappy all that made me. how unsatisfied i was. how i rebelled against it. i really hope this is not what working life bodes for me.

and it annoys me sometimes how i don't have the ability to say no to certain people.

dance + mahjong tmr = happy wj

: meet me by the water :: rachael yamagata :

i'm tired of fighting for everything i want. i just want it to come on a nice golden platter now. for this 8 months, i think i shall adopt this attitude (as lazy and as un-achieving it seems).

i used to want to learn to play the guitar. cos i think guys who can play guitars are sexy. grins. but now, i decided i'd rather just leave it for a guy to serenade me. grins. plus i love my nails too much. hahaha. i was just talking to my mum about what makes guys sexy (grins, you don't want to know how we ended up there), it was a bit disturbing, but rather amusing. anyway we/i decided that guys who could croon (not singing your lungs out), play guitar, or had those intense (i want to eat you up - this part i added) look, nice hands, chiseled jaw were sexy. ahahaha. i like eyes too. i've frightened quite a few ppl about my fetish with nice hands. melvin was rather traumatised by me i rmb.

scenes keep flashing in my head. to sit under the night sky, listening to the same ipod, and falling asleep like that. to watch tv together. to save the last slice of cheesecake for him. to watch him sleep. knowing all the flaws, and yet loving them even more. they seem so farfetched at this point in time. hah.

: coming home :: john legend :

recently, and especially after watching grey's anatomy plus the book i'm reading. i start to wonder why did i give up on my childhood dream of being a doctor. i wanted to be a doctor till i was 12. then suddenly i wanted to be a lawyer. i know why i want to be a lawyer, and why i wanted to be a doctor. i just wonder what caused that change in me. and yet over the past 2 years, i took bio and chem, not humans. to keep my choices open. and now i'm in a position where i have the ability to go into medicine. and there are many things about medicine that make it very tempting. but i just don't know if i can deal with the life and issues that come with it. i could apply for nus med. but that would mean slashing all dreams of escaping overseas.

i never doubted that i wanted to be a lawyer. but now with my dad constantly questioning and doubting my ambition. telling me that if i do want to be a lawyer, why am i not constantly asking him questions about his cases. whether i have the ability to be an international lawyer. and all that is just causing my confidence to waver i suppose.

i'm not one to do things halfway or halfheartedly. if i go into law or medicine. i'm in it for life. and suddenly the path that i thought i had decided on a long time ago, doesn't seem so clear anymore.

i hate all this uncertainty.

i guess i'll leave it to my results to decide everything.

[edit] on another note. if i were to disappear one day. i wonder who will notice. if i were to be at my deathbead tmr, who would stand by it. and who would i want to see most then. [/edit]

i think my dad agreed to let me quit. i THINK (and hope). and i want to get my feb paycheck :p

anyway, nian chu 2 was the usual family party at my house. i have 2 very very cute relatives. ahaha. one's my cousin, he's 16 at very handsome. grins. plus my little niece. zhiling (: who is wayyyy adorable. and she's very quiet (y) which i absolutely adore. i hate screaming kids -.-


zhiling and i (: she calls me ah yi. makes me feel f-ing old -.-


AIN'T SHE ADORABLE :D


e 3 cousins (: jie, me and xinya.

i want a little miss bad shirt :D very cutee

went on weds to the botanical gardens with my grandma and mummy. not really my kind of thing, nature. but it was pretty (despite the bloody heat). this is why i love uk -.-





alrighty. off to watch my grey's anatomy (: meeheehee.

: only one :: yellowcard :

photo entry

happy lunar new year (:

cny usually involves 2 things for me. family and gambling. both of which i love (most of the time). grins. and of course e angpows never hurt.

had some nice convos with people this week. with angie baby, anwar, justin (a very amusing one) and pj.

hmms. very tired to blog properly. shall just do a photoblog then. a whole bunch of pictures from jan till now that i didn't had time/forgot to post.


this was from our asian civilisations performance (; evelyn and i are wearing our thai costumes, and cheryl and jing jing are in their jap costumes. aren't e 2 of em adorable! haha. HAI!


angie baby! the night we had dinner at broth (: where someone bit a champagne glass and broke it.


my present to my mummy for vday. i made it myself!


angie and i after we passed our basic theory test! woohoo. driving lessons are fast becoming bonding time for angie and i.


at east coast park. i like this picture. i could pretend it was e moonlight. smirks. i look like a white ghost though. heh.


not sure if u can see this very clearly, but its e night sky at ecp. its gloomy, dark and oh so lovely (:


nian chu yi! daddy & mummy. they're getting better at this self-photo-whoring thing. (y)


excuse my photowhoring. i'm just abit in love with my new shades (:


at my grandma's house. the spread we had today! e person next to me is my 2nd aunt. everyone says i look like her. do i? 0_o




plus my lovely new gorgeous wedges. aren't they cute. with a little strawberry and all.

and to keep my promise to my angie baby. check out GETPLUSH! lovely lovely stuff they've got. plus i think she'd be very proud of me. seeing how bright and bubbly this entry is -.- its the money i tell you.

i think i'm getting a tad bit paranoid 0_o i feel like there are ants crawling all over me.

: fields of gold :: sting :

i'm getting confused.

but anyway i've got something to say to some people who have nothing better to do than to take pictures of my friends from my blog and print it out to pass around. GROW UP AND FUCK OFF!

that spoilt my afternoon nap today ok -.- so get a life already. plus got me all pissy about blogging. so i'll blog about everything else another day. don't want to mix my nice happy things with unpleasant shit.

: listen :: beyonce :

A father waits upon a son
A mother prays for his return
I just called to see
If you still have a place for me
We know that life took us apart
But you're still within my heart
I go to sleep and feel your spirit next to me
I'll make it home again
I pray you'll fall in love again
Just say you'll entertain the possibility
I learned enough from my mistakes
Learned from all I didn't say
Won't you wait for me

It may be long to get me there
It feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home
Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home

We fight to stay alive
But somebody's got to die
It's so strange to me
A new year, a new enemy
Another soldier gone to war
Another story told before
Now it's told again
It seems the wars will never end
But we'll make it home again
Back where we belong again
We're holding on to when
We used to dare to dream
We pray we live to see
Another day in history
Yes we still believe

It may be long to get me there
It feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home
Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home

I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming?
You know that I'll be coming home
It may be long to get me there
It feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home
Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home

john legend = love

: coming home :: john legend :

i've been missing the moments that i could just lie back. listen to norah jones or john mayer. and let the world pass me by. that's all i want really.

this is getting pathetic

i'm quitting soon to get myself some me time. i just need to get e guts to tell my dad.

: this year's love :: david gray :

vday

my knees are aching like mad. i feel old

anyway, its vday tmr. and its mucho mucho love to everyone (:

but this yr seems a tad bit empty. poor mel's ear has been worn off with all my mad ramblings/whinings/delusional rants.

i'm sure most of you know who i wish i could be spending it with. haha.

i've been taking you for granted it seems. and now it really hits me, what a big part of my life you are/were. oh damnit.

sentio!

on a last note, i want cherry red fingernails (y)

: too little too late :: jojo :

i'm bored. and sleepy.

grumbles. i really want to quit soon. e money's great. but as soon i have enough money to buy my muse, i want to spend my time lazing at home, spending time with friends and all that (:

i think i just digged abit deeper into my grave -.-

john legend has such a lovelyyy voice. john mayer too (: just makes u weak in the knees. teeheehee.

i'm babbling nonsense. brilliance.

dinner at au jardin tonight. my appetite has beeen reserved mainly for fruits and veggies this week. not in much of a eating mood, but i'll never refuse french. haha.

so much for my prediction about odd yr vdays. hah.

love is such a funny little thing

: moon river :: frank sinatra :

there's music cos i'm on my ipod. heh. anti-social secretary/pa/legal assistant i am.

there are certain feelings that have been brewing in me for quite awhile now. i can't see them clearly, but it seems like everyone else sees it on my face -.- but the point is, i don't want to examine these feelings too closely cos the outcome i hope for will probably never happen. so examining all that too closely, would just make everything abit more uncomfortable, me a bit more unhappy and more headaches. so no thank you. things might not be perfect now, but i'm happy (:

on a lighter note. the hk pictures that i've been meaning to post up.


a very very rare moment :D


i love the bright lights of e hk streets (:


on e ferry crossing from kowloon to hk island


my steffy-weffy. she satisfied my cam-whoring cravings e whole trip. MUACKS


atop victoria peak


GOOSE. 4 of us finished all of this. meeheehee.


hk food made us happy happy ppl.


my 2 (once removed) cousins. yan yan & cheong hin.


and another of my once removed cousins. isn't she ADORABLE (:

this week i managed to squeeze in screw, angie, mel, suefaye and anwar time. which made wj a happy happy girl (:

: wish i could :: norah jones :

cramping = nothing to do but tolerate the disgusting pain -.-

hence the non-stop blogging

i miss the times where the past and future didn't exist. all that mattered was the present

i feel super unsatisfied with my life. like if i die tmr, i would regret my last day on earth. and i understand that its impossible to have amazing wonderful days everyday of the year. but don't we need one in awhile? so that if i were to die tmr, i'd think back and say, i had a wonderful day this week and i'm happy. well that's not exactly e case now -.- and its getting me so wound up over that.

i want to live. no barriers. no restrictions or regulations. and just live. do what i want, when i want. be spontaneous. swim in e sea under the stars (which is impossible in spore). gallop through e fields on a horse (again impossible. getting a bit movie like here, but wth). dance in the rain. do everything i've been waiting to do. i've been waiting half of my life for this 8, 9 months. and yet here i am, stuck in a rut. i hate this.

honestly, i'd give up everything i have, just to live like that.

: unwritten :: natasha beddingfield :

i feel awfully used sometimes

i'm starting to dislike money quite abit

goaaalllllllllllll

meeheehee. the two football matches tonight was lovely (: YAY for spore! haha. 3 women screaming like banshees in my hse. smirks. and then e man u match. where my baby was his usual f-ing delicious self (: plus he scored a penalty. love love love. 4-0 :D hahaha. and van der sar got injured at e end :( but e funniest thing was that o'shea took over as goalkeeper cos they ran out of subs. very amusing (y)

anyway, been having alot of angie time lately (: which either gets me all giggly and insane (like angie) or e exact opposite. both of which are not bad la. hahaha. i'll post e pics soon, but we were cam-whoring like mad. we're rach's worst nightmare. dinner at duxton hill was (y) had dinner at e restaurant my cousin's working in. broth. gooood food, and lovely benefits. hehee. someone didn't even had pay for the glass she broke. or rather BIT. HAH. damn funny.

i love my vday presents (: and i should restart work on my xmas presents -.-

it scares and saddens me sometimes, that i never saw it ending. and yet the end hit me so fast i couldn't catch my breath, much less wrap my mind around it. maybe it was cos it all happened so fast, but a part of me like to think that it was cos it was right. shrugs.

: too little too late :: jojo :

tired and fragile

all i want is just a hand to help me along

not barbed words and so-called 'jokes'

they hurt

they knock down the pitiful excuse of a wall that exists

fuck you